When Time Came to a standstill...

It was one of those bright sunny mornings - the ones that normally turn up after a Royal Challengers Bangalore victory, a rarity in itself. The day held no indication of the sequence of events that were to occur later in the day.

A hungry bunch of software proffessionals (with one ex-pro) set out to fulfil the signals sent by the stomach and their taste buds on this glorious morning. The trio waded through the exponentially increasing bangalore traffic, jumped traffic signals and cursed fellow motorists on the way to, what one can describe as, a foodie's heaven.

A 20 minute wait in the queue to enter Pattapatti Sidappa's house boosted the trio's appetite with one of them being a regular, one a future customer for life and the third one a newbie. While the omni-present "Kumaranna" served one "tuppa-khali" after another, the hungry lads munched on.

2 idlis, 2 tuppa khalis and one half-rice later, the unthinkable and un-imaginable happened.

The arrival of the half masala-dosas for the trio brought salivating, eye-popping stares from the fellow customers. While the regular and the would-be-customer-for-life gleefully offered their plates to devour the much awaited half-masala, the newbie placed his hand half an inch above his plate signalling his denial for the half-masala. (half-masala at Siddappa: The third greatest invention of all time, with the first being "Pappu" and the second being "i-Pod").

Time came to a standstill, the earth stopped rotating on it's axis, bandes started thinking, software engineers started working and several other impossible things happened all at once. This gesture brought about stares so vicious, the stares that could've burnt houses from the fellow customers. Some of them had expressions on their faces which displayed a host of emotions, from anger to surprise, all at the same time. Kumaranna himself was the most surprised of the lot and muttered an unmistakable "D'oh". Till date, no one had ever, ever, refused a half-masala at Sidappa!!! The only happy person was the lady sitting next to the newbie, who literally pounced on the dosa before the newbie could change his mind.

The newbie tried to make amends by apologizing and devouring another half-masala (which arrived 20 mins later) but the damage had been done. Mankind would never be the same again.

Interesting story, wasn't it? It most definitely wasn't a fictitious one - a story based on three lives which would never remain the same thereafter. The regular - Karthik MV, the future-customer-for-life : Myself and the newbie (and the anti-hero) of this story - Sarang.

People say life goes on, but this act will have significant impact on the lives of these three. For Karthik, he will never be treated again with the same respect at Sidappa; Sarang: Shrinks have already started analysing the various causes that might have led him to do the un-thinkable and for me: I'm still pissed-off that the half-masala went to the lady on the other side of Sarang and not to me.

Planet Of the APES

'Tis been a month and half since I've posted something worthless. In other words, I've been accumulating truckloads of bullcr@p that I can dump on unsuspecting individuals who happen to visit this blog either by chance or 'coz of repeated nagging from moi. Me has always believed that some people can be extraordinary jackasses and me plans to enlighten more people about that. (Dont be surprised if you see a halo after reading this post).

Recently, I had to visit Mumbai for some reason that can be classified underSection2320923 of IPC. And for that, me had to book a two way flight from B'lore to Mumbai. Me return flight was at 8.30pm from Mumbai and it got cancelled. (Thanks to that I was offered FREE dinner at the OBEROI!!!!!). As a result of this, i was offloaded to some other International Flight that happened to be passing by Mumbai. The point to be noted here is that the flight was at 3am.(Me has never seen that time of the day).

Sitting at the airport I happened to chance upon a couple of weirdos who could be preserved and displayed in some museum. Sample this:

Airport Authority (at the flight boarding gate): "Ahmedabad, Ahmedabad, Ahmedabad!!!"
(Now those of you who've visited the Majestic Bus Stand in B'lore will know the kind of tone that I am referring to).
And here's what our pal had to say to all those passengers who were entering that terminal after their security checks and passport stampings: "Ahmedabad, Ahmedabad??" (in a questioning tone).
Me thinks: "DUDE, what the Fudge is the Public Announcement System for?!!!@#&%$#*"

And just as I thought that this was the limit, in comes Mr Smarty Pants, well dressed, carrying a laptop bag.

Airport Authority: "Ahmedabad?"
Smarty Pants : "Haan.. Ready Hai???"
Me mutter to myself: (with the choicest of swear words): "What the *&%$!!!! Do you have an option to take another flight. Heck, this aint a bus stand where you take a bus that's ready to leave, birdbrain. (More curse words)."

And mind you, all this is happening at 2am at an "International Airport"!!!

If you think that's all, hang on, there is more in store. Me boards flight, me promptly drifts into slumber.
Suddenly, me feel something shaking. Then me realize that the something is my body and some external force is applying pressure to shake me body. Me wake up groggy eyed only to see an air-host (NOTE: not an air-hostess).

Me: "Have we arrived?"
Air-"Host" - " No Sir, here's your snack"
Me check time: 4.00 am (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
At un-earthly hours, me brain doesn't function properly and cannot recollect swear words. So, thanks to the short-circuiting of some of the nerves in my brain, me uttered some curse words that sounded something like this: "htryl garb bwjel ajworyw ereradfa"
Me thinks at least me will have snack: Me open box and me find 2 slices of bread which half a slice of cheese in between and a visiting card that says "We hand-pick the choicest of food for our invaluable customers"
Me pished big-time.

Now, moving away from the airport incident(s), me was going to work and me found this instruction written on a government building "DO NOT URINATE". Me being a simpleton and a person who does not want to get into the wrong side of the law, promptly decided to obey this order issued by the government. It so happened that my biological system is least concerned about the Indian Laws and me had to break the law after me controlled myself from urinating for over 4 hours. (The police are probably on the lookout for me now). Me thinks that the instruction should've been "Do not urinate HERE", but who knows, me is an uneducated duffer and me takes little or no interest in local affairs.

Sample another one: Here's a direction finder board that displayed in big bold letters on JC Road:

K.R Market Majestic Richmond Road



As far as I know, one could reach majestic by going straight ahead instead of digging and going underground!!!

With that, i've dumped all the bullcr#p that had existed in my system for a month and a half.

Before I sign off, here's a killer one:
Gyan on the back-side of autorickshaw: "LIFE IS DRAMA. MAN IS ACTOR"
Me: "D-U-H!!!!!!"

Native Hangover

Back to Bloggyland after a seemingly long period of inactivity. (Read as Non-availability of topics).

First of all, I would like to offer my tribute to the person who, though technically speaking was not my grandmother, was as doting as my other Grannies. I feel a stab of pain when I recollect some fond memories of her... And a pang of guilt surges as I could not be beside her when she breathed her last. May Rohinakka's soul R.I.P.

Secondly, I doff my hat to iPod, the second greatest (i really mean greatest) invention of all time, the first being "Pappu" (A delicacy made out of Dal, available at Andhra Style restaurants... Slurrp...Slurrp).

Back to my post. Me just returned back from Tirthalli and it's taking some time for me to return to normalcy. I could safely say that the past 3-4 days were some of the best-est days of my recent times. I could describe the trip in 6 words flat (not counting the hyphens): Eat-Sleep-Eat-Sleep-More Sleep. In the process, I haven't done anything good to my ever increasing waist size. I might add that there were few instances of sheer lunacy (good enough to get us admitted into Ashok mama's hospital) that fit into this eat-sleep cycle.

Sample this: Sitting in the crowded hotel-beside-the-busstop at Tirthalli and ordering North Indian Delicacies that I/we (read as Dharmashree Rao and your's truly) haven't tried in B'lore. (Disclaimer: They were delicious). Whilst waiting for our order, singing loudly enough to have attracted attention from say, half of tirthalli. (P.S. Anushree and Nidhi were really dignified in their behavior. From the corner of my eye, i could see them trying to disassociate themselves from us).

Or this : 4 of us fatsos (fatso would be an understatement) squeezing into a bed (that was made for a 1 normal size person or at max 2 really really thin people) and successfully dozing off for about 3 hours. The pic should prove that I'm not exaggerating.

How bout this: Going to the TTH (TTH - ThirThaHalli) bus stand on Sunday morning with all bag and baggage ready to go back to B'lore/M'lore and then just before boarding the bus changing our mind, deciding to stay back for another day, sending back our bags with a stunned-Duttumama (He was all set to get rid of us.. hehehe) and then boarding the same bus to go to Bhadravati instead to visit Jayashree Doddamma. And if you think that was all, hang on... Singing our way to glory in a bus full of townsfolk and attracting "you-must-be-from-outerspace" looks.

Or going to a Mallu restaurant in Shimoga!!!!!! (Wowow... Mallus even in Shimoga!!!!! And of all places we had to go there!!!) and ordering a "Cocke" (I mean "Coke"). Can it get any worse??(Disclaimer: I dont mean any disrespect to Mallus, but they're there just about, say, everywhere).

Enough said, let me get to the actual post.(I'm assuming that the readers have managed upto this point painstakingly). When me thinks of me childhood, the first thing that comes to me mind is TTH. A haven of fun and frolic...I've never spent a boring day in TTh. From times immemorial (immemorial atleast to me), me has always looked forward to go to what others call "native" and what I call "home away from home". And each time I go there I remember some of the wonderful times I've had with my cousins (In descending order: Ganeshanna, Shilpakka, Madhavanna, Dharmashree Akka, Shruthi, Dharmaraj, Anushree and Nidhi), my uncles and aunts who have been surrogate parents to me when i've been there( 'm reallly really lucky - and I thank my stars for having such wonderful relatives. Note: 'Wonderful' would really be an understatement). From making paper boats (using Kodachaadri newspaper) to eating Gobi Manchuri at 10pm sitting on the bridge, I can just say "Been there...Done That".

Recollecting some of the noteworthy incidents at Tirthalli:
-> Walking all the way to Koppa circle under the scorching sun, all for a Maaza, and then getting conned. (Ganeshanna, you owe us one. :D :D).
-> Having a stone throwing competition at Kalsaara, and then getting blasted left, right and center by a lady.
-> Playing hide and seek behind the pillars and getting Madhavanna Out. (The modus operandi was scream "Madhavanna, there is something behind you" and voila he used to run from his hiding place).
-> Sleeping on the "Upparige" Joola oblivious to the entire outside world.
-> Feeding(should I say overfeeding) a cow to the point of indigestion.
-> Duttumama's jokes... (Chit Chaat Chataal , Guddi Guddi etc).
-> Maralugudde. (Can write a post on that, but will restrict myself).
-> And lots more. (Thanks to my memory I haven't been able to recollect all of them. Please do leave a comment of your memorable incidents).

And each time I leave from the place (or about to leave from the place), this is the feeling:
"Yeh Ghadi Na Jaaye Beet" (Song: Aa laut ke aaja, Movie: Rani Roopmati).

Me thinks if there is any place called Heaven, it has to be at this house by the riverside in this small town called Kuruvalli. I rest my case.

TPGPL Reloaded!!!!!

TPGPL is back with a bang!!!! Today's meeting just proved that...
Anyways, for those of you who've forgotten... Here is a re-introduction of the key-members

CEO Tiger aka "Hemanth":

Claim to Fame: Poli Maathugalu...FreshhandHonest
Quotable Quotes: "Nin hendt....... kodtiya???? Bejar madkollalla...loafer nan magane" (I was at the recieving end :( )

CTO Bande aka "Deepak"

Claim to Fame: Allah ke bande
Quotable Quotes: "Toota toota ek saaman aise toota..."

CFO Kunta aka "Sriram"

Claim to Fame: (In)Famous jump from 5-point something wall, Vagator, Goa / Irrepairable 15 degree bend in left ankle.
Quotable Quotes: "Yamma... Yeno haikonde"

COO Mallu Boy aka "Sharath"

Claim to Fame: Adda
Quotable Quotes: "Adda" / "Ooo f**k" (before falling from bike)

HR BM aka "Bhargav"

Claim to Fame: Darshini, K.R. Circle, Bangalore.
Quotable Quotes: "Sss side ge hogu"

Recently deposed CEO Gay aka Students aka "Hari"

Claim to Fame: Mock Interview
Quotable Quotes: "Steve Waugh bowling mettage baratte.... aaadre pace iratte"

Bladebubba Nachi

Claim to Fame: Bubbalogue
Quotable Quote: Request the rest of the members to fill in

Software Engineers Mom aka Nish

Claim to Fame: Pondi in Placement Office
Quotable Quote: "1 year celibacy..."

Shetty

Claim to Fame: Yet to come
Quotable Quote: "Mmmdddiga".

Request others to post similar intros...

Living in a fantasy land

I was planning to gather info for this post and upload it later in the day but this thought struck me suddenly.
Reading a novel akin to Harry Potter, or atleast of the same genre of books, fantasy fiction, got me into thinking about how we wish to live in a deluded world. As I delved more, I found out that these books give you an out of the world experience, an experience which is truly implausible. It is no wonder they are called 'fantasy fiction'. People who haven't read such books might demur at these suggestions and term the others as demented but living in the fantasy world is a lot better than the actual world. The good part about these books is that there are no parallel stories and they are all part of a complex plot.

Most of these stories contain a protagonist who is still in school (the children's fantasy fiction) and has a prophecy made in his name which he/she must fulfil or die trying. There is of course the antagonist who acts as a demoniac. The hero of the book must descry various objects hidden or sometimes even encounter them during the course of his journey to fulfil his prophecy. Most often, the hero is deprived of desideratum in his childhood and sometimes considered as despicable by his peers.

To Be Continued...

Getting Quizzical Pt 2

I tried to aggrandize my existing general knowledge in the past few weeks unsuccessfully. After round 3 i was muttering to myself.."Atleast some of the questions were trite"... Added to that, i had to sit in one place. Having played a truant all my life, this was one place i couldn't excuse myself out.
All the initial hype just turned out to be trumpery. Round 4, 5 and 6 were our rounds as all the turgid questions reduced and the torpor of our team seemed to have vanished. Though these rounds were tortuous, we had answers for most of the quesions. We traiped about answering most and agglomerating a lot of points thus building a healthy lead over the rest of the pack, second only to the top scorers. But then tocsins began to ring as the other teams closed in on the gap and we were unfortunate not to have got a few easy questions our way.
We ended up fourth but still that was a good show considering our start... I can describe the events into a tome but i restrict myself here as i'm feelign quite torpid.. :)

Getting Quizzical

Ok, I am back with the "A Post A Day"...
Today's post describes an area of extra-curricular activity that i'm not good at... i.e. general knowledge...and quizzing has never been my forte... Thanks to being cooped up in my house and watching cartoon network all the time, I thought that my GK had hit rock bottom. But yesterday's quiz finals showed that there is some vestige.

Flash back to my office near Kengeri, a couple of weeks back, there was an announcement that there would be a general quiz contest. A few fellow timepass seekers and I formed a team - "Yakke"... "Yakkow" would've sounded better but sounded too raspy. Expecting a lot of recondite questions as the no of teams were high, we participated for timepass. By a quirk of fate, we got the easiest of questions...well, questions to which we knew the answers. We 'topped' the prelims and were termed as rubber champions, though i'm not sure why we got that tag. Now that left me in a quandary as I neither have/had the quizzing abilities nor did I brush up on my non-existent GK to add value to the team. After a dismal performance in round 2, we had no hopes of qualifying for the finals. Lady luck smiled on us twice and we just managed to scrape through to the finals.

Now, I dint want to go to the finals and get pummelled. Neither did i want to be branded as pusillanimous. Mustering courage I went there and took my seat next to some of the putative(reputed) quizzing giants. I was hoping to purloin some points here and there by hook or crook. After the first three rounds, our team was yet to open the account thanks to some really shoddy answering by your's truly. Added to that, some very easy questions were on the offering and they were devoured by the other teams. But such is the pulchritude of quiz. I had this puerile urge to go and erase all the points on the board so that the quiz would restart and hopefully i could gain a few points.

To Be Continued...

Bugged By Media

After yesterday's post, I wasn't sure if I had the verve to churn out another post... Blogging continuously can be a pain... or atleast when it is seen as a daily chore.. :( . Anyway, I'll continue with my "Post for the day"...

Today, I have chosen to blog about some of the vapid news reporting by some of the media and the response to such insipid stories by readers. In my opinion, newspapers have been deposed by the internet as the unbiased source of news. Certain forms of the media move heaven and earth to tailor news according to their view point and are shamelessly biased while delivering them. To them, TRP is important and more often than not, turn out to be depraved. An editorial of a leading newspaper responded to critics stating that the news wasn't veneered. The editor even went to the extent of vilifying some of the questions just stoppping short of terming them"stupid". The denouement was clear: "This is the kind of news that we report. Take it or leave it". I consider this as a dereliction from their duty viz to report news as it is.

Add to that some readers who seem to have taken the task of vexing others by posting comments that are neither relevant to the context nor sensible but often visceral. Some of them seem to be competing with viragos. Just for arguments sake. What prompted me to post this was the sight of the reader's comments in today's newspaper. The comments were in reaction to the recent regimen or the welter of the regime in Karnataka. All of them objurgated the recently formed JDS - BJP coalition calling it an unhealthy one. Surprisingly, not one of these comments came from Karnataka. And those states from where these well-educated people have posted their comments have seen regimes that are forgettable. And not to mention, those governments have been chosen by the very same people's volition. I am not trying to champion the cause of the politicos here but this is just an attempt to showcase how deplorable the deportment of people can be. When you point a finger at others, remember that there are 4 pointing at you. Sounds cliched, but very true.

TV itself has been subjected to depredation of TRP and masala. Most of these TV channels, probably have a recreant (apostat/traitor)- a reconnoiter for another channel, who sells news / info. There is no rectitude in this cut-throat atmosphere and there is no scope for a recumbent posture. This info is then refurbished, rehashed and transmitted as Flash News. So much for originality. Reporting can get virulent if trivia makes headlines. Some invite experts to their shows, to debate on controversial topics. More often than not, these debates are vitiated by the glamour quotient. The luminaries on stage are vitriolic to each other's opinions and spend the given time vituperating (abuse) the opinion of the other. Channels in their quest for variegation often forget the cardinal rule of reporting viz give news as it is. Unfortunately, this kind of SOAP is in vogue and has become a wont. Interesting.

News must be winnowed from trivia and broadcast separately. The apparition of the Created News must wane. Media barons must realize this and veer the course of this ship lest it sink in the vast ocean of ignorance.

A stinker by the selectors... yet again

Readers, please bear with me for a few days. I will be churning out abominable posts day after day for the next few days. Request all patrons not to be disheartened by these sub-standard posts and kindly bear with me for some more days. Gulp...Here goes:

Indian cricket is in a welter. Not that there were any less controversies before this one. But this has been one of those where cricketing logic has taken a welting. I'm talking about the exclusion of former skipper Rahul Dravid from the 15 member squad for the first two ODIs against Pak. His exclusion has been unwarranted and the decision to 'rest' him doesn't have a whit of sense.

Time and again, we have seen the whimsical attitude of the selectors and this time, the 'colonel' has misfired. And just as we thought that all is well, Vengsarkar played the role of a wet blanket. Though R.D's dip in form may have been waxing, he has never been wastrel(profligate) in his approach to batting. The damage done to India's most dedicated player cannot be undone. No amount of wheedling can undo the treatment meted out to this gentleman.

Dravid hasn't made any whinny noises. Another characteristic of the gentleman that he is. It is a loss to the great batting line-up we once possessed. The middle order has been debilitated. Of course we have the debonair Yuvi, but what the team needs is a person who can play the role of an anchor when the chips are down.

We can expect a declivity in the team's performance if more such selecting shockers occur.

I'm Feelin Real Happy

After a long period of hibernation, I'm back to bloggy world. Since it has been a long time, English mine little rusty become. Kindly bear with the me.

These days I'm feeling really happy, as if I were on a high. And this happiness is due to some external factors, none of which have anything to do with me. But still, I'm feeling really excited.
Happiness, they say, is contagious. Let me share the joy with the rest of you folks:

1. Recent developments in Karnataka politics: Wow, this one sure gets me on a high. I've always thought that using the term "scoundrels" for politicos was apt. Now, I feel, "goddamn bast@rds", pardon my French, might also sound a little too mild.

I like these JD(S) dudes. They remind me of my own self when I was a kid. During those gully cricket sessions, when I was done with my batting, I used to say "win-declare". (Or walk off with the bat, coz the bat was mine). Now, there is nothing better than watching your opponent fume, cheated out of their batting turn, claiming foul play. Same sh*t here. Only that the stakes are higher.

And all these days, we've been expecting them to govern us. Hamburger.
I'm feeling very happy...

2. Talk on non-"voilence" at the UN General Assembly: If any of you watched the Ind-Aus cricket match on Tue, you might've noticed this. The UPA chairperson delivering a speech on non-"voilence" to the UN General Assembly would be aired live on DD. Huh, no sh*t.
First of all, our pals (read as DD) do not know the s-p-e-l-l-i-n-g of 'violence'. Next, we have a lady from that mafia stricken land delivering a speech on non-'voilence'. (In italiano è non-violenza).

I'm feeling very happy...

3. Men in ze blue: Man, I've never felt more happier about anyone else. Our country has a knack of picking heroes and turning them into Gods.

Some arbitrary dude hit some round white object out of someplace six times in a row and he gets rewarded with crores of rupees, houses and what not. The rest of the folks who are also dressed in the same colors get lakhs, if not crores for providing, say 3 hours, of entertainment. That money was what I paid as tax. Sweet. Oh... And not to mention, people worship them as well. Some even go to the extent of saying that their f@rts smell nice. (That really is crass, but yeah, it is the truth).

Man, that's really nice considering the fact that there are soldiers out there at some remote unheard, unseen places firing rounds after rounds and they get one medal, that too posthumously. So much for their valor.

I'm feeling really happy...

4. Ease of commuting: I am a person who loves to do time-pass and not to sound immodest, but, I come up with really innovative ideas for doing timepass. Now this new novel method stumped me. Sample this: I need to go from Place A to Place B, say from my house to the next block. Couple of years back it used to take a lazy-bum like about 10mins max. Now, it takes close to 45 mins. Wow, 35 mins of timepass. Sweet. Added to that, more often than not I get a roller coaster ride, which would have cost me 400rs in WonderLa. Sweet.

I'm feeling really really happy.

I've got something for all the people mentioned in this post:

PEOPLE, PLEASE READ BETWEEN THE LINES!!!


India will be a superpower in 2020... I will be going to Mars on vacation starting tomorrow.

Mera Bharat Mahan, Jai Hind!!!

FREAK-O-NOMICS

Feeling bored?? Feeling lonely?? Feeling sad???? Don't have cash??? Trouble at the workplace???? Here is the perfect solution for all your troubles. It's easy, it's fun and the best part of it, it comes at absolutely no cost... FREAK people out. Yeah, you heard me right, just freak 'em out... Whoa, BullSh*t for Free!!!!!

Let me give you a background of freaking people out before I actually get into the intricacies of freaking out people:

Why do people freak out?? The answer is simple, coz, they have a certain set of ideas/ideologies, and you simply refuse to believe them. In short, you just make them believe that your beliefs are superior! (Atleast, that's what you make them believe). Confused??? Read on...

How do you know if a person has freaked out? This is simpler than the previous one... The subject in question tends to exhibit qualities like "screaming at you", "attempting to assault you" or for the physically weak ones "simply stop speaking to you". There are these other set of people who, at first sight, dont seem to have freaked out... But, hold on, if this person ponders a lot over what you've said and comes back to you at a later point of time when the topic is not even remotely connected to what you are currently speaking, then it means that you've successfully freaked the person out...The bottom line is, almost everyone freaks out, you just have to hit the right nerve.

So, if it is so "freakin" simple, how the hell do you freak people out??? This is the simplest of the lot. Pick up a topic of your choice (the topic should be controversial.. It SHOULDN'T an open-shut case, for e.g. "Sachin should retire" or "Karan Johar is Gay" ). Something on the lines of well, say, "Does GOD exist????". Throw this open ended question to the person who you want to freak out. And then, no matter what the other person says, (whether you believe it or not), contradict them(whether you believe yourself or not!!). Shred their argument to pieces. Easy as that. And then, watch the fun....

There are 2 stages to master this art:
Stage 1: Fend off any attempt to Freak you out...
Stage 2: Try freaking others out.

I've passed stage 1 with flying colours and currently in infancy of stage 2.

For live demo, drop in when Hari freaks out some poor soul, aided by your's truly. (I must admit it, Hari is the master at this, and I've learnt from the master.. :D ).

I've given out some trade secrets, but this is, as the secret agents say, "For your eyes only".
The next time you see me contradicting you, you know what I'm upto!!! :)

STATUTORY WARNING: Freaking Out People is NOT injurious to health!

Disclaimer: Messrs Hari and Bhargav claim no responsiblity of the aftermath of freaking people out after having read this post. For safe results, try on "Good Friends" only.

So, Who's on your FREAK-LIST today?

Here We Go

Soccer Fever has struck MindTree... The much awaited Foundation Cup is finally here... And me is glad to be a part of it this time as well... Reminds me of the good ol' college days... Those were the days when i'd have scored more goals in football than in my internals and final exams combined... Sigh...

Cut to the present, I'm very keen to play football because it keeps you healty and fit...A healthy mind in a healthy body...Aaargh crap... Mostly because I get to bunk work citing "football practice" ... Yeah, off late, I've been offering some really lame reasons to escape from work... The most prominent one being "I am pondering over the future of the country" (When I was caught snoring away to glory)...

Anywayz, back to the football cup at MT... 52 teams participating with 10 per side and nearly 30 people from each team to cheer them... Add to that some really jobless people who go and cheer for people even if it were a kyocera vs mphasis match.. (For non Global Village residents/rodents, kyocera and mphasis are companies that share the same campus with us). Now, basic math would tell us that the total no of people on the field for all matches would exceed 2000... (Hmmm..Wonder how they are managing to pay our salaries still)...

Again, me has this habit of digressing too much from the topic... At the moment, me is comparing myself with the legendary Davor Suker - Winner of the Golden Boot in '98 WC to sitting on the bench in the '02 WC... Yeah... It's quite the same in my case as well... Leading goal scorer for my team (if not the tourney) in the previous cup and close to being dropped for offering lame excuses to drop out from practice sessions... I'm part of MUFC.. Nope..Not Manchester United Football Club (though, i'd have loved to be part of that)... But MindTree United FC... The first match is on Sunday and I will be wearing my customary Ruud V. Nistelrooy (in Manchester United) shirt... I hope to injure the other striker...No,No...Not the striker from the opposition team... I hope to injure the striker of my team - SO THAT I GET TO PLAY!! (That was the Eric Cartman in me, speaking).

Whatevar happens, whether I get to play or whether I get to play, I want to do a repeat of last year... i.e. official commentator for the finals. This time, the Lee Jordan in me is eagerly waiting to pop up... And boy, I'm gonna love it...

Cupid Strikes the ME!

Readers, non-readers, aliens, other kind of species who know how to operate a computer, here is a request: Please, and I repeat, Puhleez, bear with this post of mine. Request you to read the enitre post no matter how disgusting or how repulsive it is, no matter how faggy it appears, no matter how obviously cliched it might sound, kindly devote some of your valuable time and read this to the last bit, for, I am sure, many of you or atleast some of you might have experienced something similar, something wonderful, something magical.

I have always believed in the fact that there is someone, somewhere in the whole wide world, who is made for you and just you. Someone, with whom you'd love to spend the rest of your life, however short it might be. Someone, whose mere presence would raise your spirits. Someone, of whom, you simply cannot have enough. Someone, who makes you feel happy, secure and appreciated.

There comes a time in life, when you have to choose. Choose between that special someone and the rest of the world. You will be envied by some, admired by others when you are seen with this special someone. And no matter how tough it might be, you'd be ready to do anything, I mean, anything and everything, to be with this special someone.

In short, it means that you are in LOVE with that special person. Having said this, I hereby announce to the world and am proud to do so: I AM IN LOVE.

Realization struck me as I began to exhibit certain strange tendencies, like blabbering nonsense, muttering incoherently when I'm with my sweetheart. My heart beat quickens, my mind goes blank, hands go numb every time I see this person. I feel a pang of jealousy if I see any another person with this person, an urge to rip that person's heart and feed it to the dogs. I'd go to any extent, resort to any extreme means to reach out to this person. It has become a quest, a quest to the point of obsession to make this special person mine. When I look into the eyes of the person in question, I realize the true meaning of life. Life is the person, that person is life.

Although I am deeply in love with this person, my feelings haven't been reciprocated. I feel lost at times, depressed at other times and I always have this feeling that this person shall never be mine. I have been trying to fight a losing battle within my heart. The sane part of me, tells me that I should forget about this person and get on with life. The other part of me tells me that I should pursue my heart's desire, for, there is nothing else that matters to me.

Folks, I've uploaded this post just to reach out and seek help from all those who have loved, loved and lost. Could you please help me get out this state of madness? Could you suggest a remedy to cure me of this illness? Could you help me to unite with my sweetheart? If yes, please find the attached picture(s) of my sweetheart:



You can either transfer the same to my bank account or give it to me in person. It's all up to your convenience. The various caps or slabs that can be transferred can be obtained from one of my previous posts: Money Matters (Most)

AJ(G)M of TPGPL

Today's Annual General Body meeting (AJM) was probably the last one where all the members of Time Pass Gang Private Ltd, together spent quality time in Pizza Hut, had some hearty laughs and did Time Pass viz the main motto and the concept behind the inception of this company. There were two conspicuous absentees - Tiger (he wouldn't have missed this one otherwise) and Kunta (due to his recent expulsion).

Bubba is leaving for Mumbai to pursue his higher studies. Will probably see glimpses of him when he comes on vacation / intership. Same case with Bakra, but he's goin to be gone for a long time. We dont expect him to be back from the US of A very soon. Bande aka Deepak will be visiting the States on official purposes and we might not get to see him for the next part of the year.

This is just the beginning. There are still 5 board members of TPGPL but nah, the "gang" is as good as dissolved. The whole thing was well summarized by Bubba - "... And then there were none).

Wish you all the very best dudes, for all your future endeavours and yeah, keep the TimePass flag flying high.

One last hurrah to TPGPL... ADIOS AMIGOS.

Project Management - A Practical Approach

Hah... I'm back after a long period of inactivity... Attribute that to my laziness, one of my newly discovered hidden talent...Being a couch potato is cool...Specially, when you have a dear mom who doesn't mind you sitting idly infront of the TV for nearly the whole day...

aaah...digressing too much from the intended topic of the post... Recently, I visited a book fair in which curiousity got the better of me and I visited a section which on almost all occasions, I conveniently ignore - the 'Management' section. (Huh..Who needs all that when you've got loads of fiction and fantasy).

There were these books that caught my eye "10 top HR strategies to retain employees", "How to keep your employees happy", so on and so forth... Flipped through a few of such books and there were truckloads of bul*crap that said, keep fun activities...Colour the walls... ask the Managers to motivate them , blah blah blah...

Now here is what I would do if I were the manager/HR/something other than the usual geek who sits infront of the computer typing "#include stdio.h" (I guess I got the syntax wrong ... but hell...the Microsoft editor will point that out to me)...

* Beg, borrow, steal (whatevar), get a project from PlayBoyy / Cosmopollitan /Pennthouse or similar magazines / TV channels.
Now, how would I convince them to give me a project? Boy, they dont need no convincing... All I need to do is tell them that people at our place are looking for an embedded device in the shape of a Playboyy bimbette. And voila!!! I have the project.

* Now, imagine the reaction of an employee when he hears that he will be part of a Playboyy project.. (WOWWWW!!!!!! Boy... Aint I living in a fantasy world). Which sane employee would leave the luxury and the benefits (read as favors) that can be obtained by working in such a project and jump to another company? There, you've taken care of attrition - one of the most feared words (feared by HR only) in the IT industry.

* Let us assume that some dude who is addicted to the net (read as surfing all banned and explicit sites) has seen enough of Playboyy and wants to quit to do lesser serious stuff. Send him onsite to the Playboyy office. This can be done on a round robin basis as well.

Sample this :

Software Engg 1(with full enthu): Magas, me is going onsite tomorrow, for one week.
Software Engg 2: Aaa naaice maga, which project?? (He'll be laughing internally, thinking... "what a jerk... he is so excited about going onsite.. I've been there 4 times).
Software Engg 1: aa Playboyy maga.
Software Engg 2: Playboyy is good..Sorry, the best.. But who is your client???
Software engg 1: macha.. Playboyy is my client. And some I-don't-have-brains-rest-all-is-fine chick is my manager there maga. I've heard that corporate couches are a must there.

News spreads fast and all his friends i.e. Software engineers (The world is filled with software engineers... Throw a stone high in the air.. 9 out of 10 times it will land on a Software engineer)...Coming back to my earlier statement.. Now all his friends will be queing up to join this company... There you go...Growth achieved...

Growth achieved, attrition curbed... what else do you want for a company to grow?? More projects??? Huh... With such projects being executed, who wouldn't want to be your client????

* One last point... Imagine, the benefits you would get if you execute the project well. (there is no "if"... I'd slog my arse off if it were to be Playboyy)... Ok... I'm still imagining the benefits... Free Playboyy magazines and cds to every employee... Plus, as a yearly bonus, 2 playboy models get to visit the offshore development center.. Man O Man...My imagination has gone into overdrive.

I've just kept Playboyy as the benchmark. You could always start off with other B grade local magazines as well... And for the other set of people who pretty much get disgusted with Playboyy and similar magazines... Hunt for a project on Man's World or similar magazines.

Ummm... I'd better have a talk with my manager regarding this... Who knows, I might get lucky...

Fortune favors the Me

This post is/was not pre-planned. Just saw my orkut homepage and this is what I saw:


Dad - THANKS A TON!!!!!!

ERRATA

In my previous post, I'd listed Jadoo Teri Nazar at the 5th spot. However, due to prolonged periods of non-hearing, I had totally forgotten about this song "Yaad Kiya Dil Ne Kahan Ho Tum" (Movie: Patita, Singer: Hemant Kumar). So, this song replaces the existing one i.e. Jadoo Teri Nazar.
As a footnote, If God were to come to earth in the avatar of a singer, he would most definitely have come in the form of Hemant Kumar.

The World Of Music in the Planet of M

This post is way different from all my previous posts. I've been very serious in all my other posts and thought that this one should definitely be on a lighter note.

Let me quote Albus Dumbeldore - "Ah, music. A magic beyond all we do here!" (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone). It is magic, truly. What I want to share, is the list of my all time favorite songs and the reasons for them being my favorites. Here goes...

At No 10, is Kya Mujhe Pyaar Hai (Movie: Woh Lamhe, Singer: Kay Kay). This song would have topped my all time favorite list or probably stood in the top three (if not at 1), had the composer Pritam composed this all on his own. Though this song is a direct rip-off of the song Tak Bisakh by Peter Pan, the lyrics of the Hindi version is simply captivating. "..tum kyon chale aate ho, har roz in khwabon mein, chupke se aa bhi jao, ik din meri baahon mein..." Hats off to the lyricist.

At No 9 is Neele Neele Ambar Par (Movie:Kalaakar, Singer: Kishore Kumar). Absolutely mind-blowing guitar-play by whoever it was. This is one song that is close to my heart, again because of the lyrics which is mesmerizing. Listen to each word carefully and I am 100 % sure, every single one of us has the desire, to fall in love and in the same manner he describes in the song.

At No 8 there is a tie between Ina Mina Dika (Movie: Asha, Singer: Kishore Kumar) and Chala Jaata Hoon(Movie: Mere Jeevan Sathi. Singer: Kishore). Reason, these are two songs for all seasons. Just a perfect dose of music when you need to be cheered up.

Yeh Shaam Mastani (Movie: Kati Patang, Singer: Kishore Kumar) is placed 7th in my all time list. This is one song which I love to croon standing on the terrace of my apartment at 6pm in the evening watching a flock of parrots returning to their nests and with the breeze caressing my face.

At No 6 is Kahin Door Jab Din Dhal Jaye (Movie: Anand, Singer: Mukesh). Salil Choudhary at his best, I must say. Pure melody combined with heart rendering lyrics.

"...Dil jaane, mere saare, bhed ye gahare
Ho gae kaise mere, sapane sunahare
Yeh mere sapane, yahii to hain apane
mujhase judaa na honge inake ye saaye, inake ye saaye..."
Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.
The context or the picturisation of the song - even better.

At No 5 is Jadoo Teri Nazar (Movie: Darr, Singer: Udit Narayan). Shiv Hari weave pure magic as the song portrays a psychopath lover who would go to any extent to get his sweetheart. My favorite coz of the way Udit sings it. (And the lyrics). Another reason is that everytime I sing this song, I try to put myself in the shoes of the psychopath lover and I swear by everything that is holy - the feeling is very different, kinda scary as well.

At No 4 is Pal Pal Dil Ke Paas Tum Rehti Ho (Movie: Blackmail, Singer: Kishore). If I would ever propose to a girl, this is the song I would be singing when I'm on my knees. There is nothing else that I can say about this song.

Yeh Raatein Yeh Mausam Nadi Ka Kinara (Movie: Dilli Ka Thug, Singer: Kishore, Asha) is at the 3rd spot. I consider this to be the most romantic song in the history of Bollywood. The lyrics of this song are extremely sensual and weave pure magic and leave you mesmerized. I get transported to another world, where I picturize myself on a river bank, with a forest at the other end and a light moonlight that is the only source of light which reflects off the surface of the still water. Boy, i'm already there!

At No 2 on my list is Tum Pukar Lo from the movie Khamoshi sung by Hemant Kumar. Please listen to this song and you'll know why I like this. I do not have words to describe this song.

Before I finish this countdown with my ALL TIME FAVORITE SONG, here are a few songs that are close to my heart but do not feature in this list - Suhana Safar from Madhumati, Tera Muskurana from Jhankaar Beats, Dil Tadap tadap ke from Madhumati, Words by Boyzone, Love me for a Reason by Boyzone, Du Hast by Rammstein, Engel by Rammstein and Show me the meaning of feeling lonely by Backstreet Boys.

There is one song (without lyrics) that would require a special mention here and that is the Flute Song by Remo. The no of times I've danced to this tune in college are countless. Tapanguchi rocks!

The two songs that I are very meaningful yet saddening are Tanha Dil by Shaan and Koi Lauta De Mere Beete Hue Din sung by Kishore. These songs have a depressing effect on me though they are extremely melodious and meaningful. They remind me of my college days and the wonderful days I had with the closest of my buddies which brings a lump in my throat.

Now to the NUMERO UNO song - Yeh Raat Yeh Chandni Phir Kahan, Sunja Dil Ki Daastan (Movie: Jaal, Singer: Hemant Kumar). Let me quote Wikipedia here - "Till date, the sweetness of the melodious "Yeh raat yeh chandni phir kahan, sun ja dil ki dastaan", sung by the heavenly voices Hemant Kumar has not been equalled by any song of this type, composed by any music composure". I have nothing more to add.

Those were/are my favorite songs. What are your favorites?

MONEY MATTERS (MOST)

I will be stealing the thunder of Othla by publishing this post. (Othla -> A person who does utter TP at the place where I work and gets away with it...mostly by getting an onsite opportunity). But heck, he cant have the both the cash and the thunder. I get to take the cash.

With my greying hair, and the increasing burden I put on my dad for refuelling the tank of my bike, I thought of calculating my market value. This, I thought, would offer some solace to my dad who has to bear with an outstretched hand (my hand), every single day. And me being the shameless creature that I am, ask for the cash everyday, without fail. It's been a mystery as to why he hasn't thrown me out of the house, yet. (He might be contemplating this).

Cut to the point, me is putting a quotation for myself with all my features and attributes and approximate a market value (read as dowry) that I expect from the bride (or groom).
Some of the phrases will be in the local dialect or atleast the direct english translation of the local dialect:

1. Me is Engineer - Value: Rs 50 lakh

2. Me is BE pass first time. (To be read as: I have graduated with a Bachelor's degree in Engineering without any backlogs... ) Value: Rs 50lakh + 10 lakh = Rs 60 lakh*.

(NOTE: All figures will be denoted in terms of the base value henceforth, viz 50 lakh)

3. Me is working (where??? That doesn't matter) - Value: Rs 75 lakh

4. Me Faarin return (To be read as: I have visited a country outside India) Value: Rs 1.5 Crore

5. Me can speaketh English - Value: Rs 1.9 Crore

6. English write me, English understand me - Value:Rs 2 Crore

7. Me is reddy, sorry, ready to learn any language of In-law's choice - Value: Rs 3 Crore

8. Me can ride bike - Value: Rs 3.5 Crore

9. Me can make Cup-Noodles very well - Value: Rs 3.75 Crore.

10. Me friend Othla was mentioning that in his caste, it is considered to be a prestigious issue to have a mistress. Me Say NAAICE for that. - Value: Rs 4.5 Crore*.

11. Me claims that me can play musical instrument (I dont expect my inlaws to verify that) - Value: Rs 4.51 Crore

12. Me plans to go to gym to build body (Like Chiranjeevi) - Value: Rs 8 Crore

13. Me is watches Chiranjeevi movies and consider Chiranjeevi to be the greatest star, ever- Value: Rs 20 Crore (Whoops what a jump!!!!)

14. Me doesn't mind the kind of bride I will be getting in exchange for the cash:
Clause a: For every physical deformity, I will charge an extra 5 crore.
So, the max I can expect is about 50 crore*.

Clause b: I dont mind if the Bride is fat. Every pound of extra flesh means a rise in the value
by 2 crore.

Clause c: Becoming a house-husband i.e. ghar jamai is acceptable but will come at an extra cost of 5 crore.

Clause d: For Rs 200 Crore, I dont mind if it is a BRIDE or a BRIDEGROOM*!!!!! (Half of the state, bordering Karnataka i.e. AP. should also be given away as free gift).

* - Conditions Apply. Read offer document carefully before investing.

I am not such a bad person as you might think I am. I have offered a generous once-in-a-lifetime discount of Rs 10000, as I dont match the description of being tall, dark and handsome. * (Again: * - Conditions Apply).

Oh, just as a footnote: The above amount mentioned is exclusive of 12.5% VAT and all other income tax complications.

ANY TAKERS????????

PUB-(H)LIC VENTURE

After a lot of pondering, confusion and innumerable no of phone calls, we decided to visit one of the pubs in Bangalore. Purple Faze or Haze or some such thing... For starters, I've got no clue as to what these guys think while naming the pubs.. And me being a saint that I am, have (mis)understood 'pub' to be a prefix of the word 'lication'.

All said and done, the five of us met at this place Purple Gaze and me was in the highest of spirits...(Not in the literal sense. I abstain from consuming spirit). When I first looked at this place I felt the same way as any Muggle(non-wizard) would after seeing No 12, Grimmauld Place(For details, read Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Chapter 2/3).

When I yanked the door open, a blast of 'something' hit me and I'm positively sure I do not know what that something was. (Or to be more precise, I cannot describe what that something was). I saw some creature that remotely resembled a homo-sapien writhing on the floor convulsing rapidly. The 'playing-the-good-samaritan' instincts took over and I searched for a piece of iron to give it to this person who was suffering from a bout of fits. Thankfully, I stopped myself, (just in time), seeing a lot of people not bothered about him and going about their daily routine without so-much as a glance towards him. Karthik had the grace to shout over the din that he was 'Ed-barging'. (or was it 'Head Banging'?)
Phew!!! Pub visitors - 1 Bhargav - 0

5 min later I had a distinct feeling of something throbbing and it took me another 5 minutes to realize that the 'something' happened to be my head. Sitting right next to the source of the noise (the TV/screen/something where a few more crazy dudes were clanging all the metals that can be found in the Periodic Table), gave me an opportunity to observe the 'crowd'(The sole reason for me to visit that place was because of an anonymous tip-off who mentioned that the place would be swarming with the offsprings of Hens). The dudes and dudettes all the other tables were rocking back and forth.(something that looked like a continuous sequence of "I'm gonna fall now.. Oh no, I'm not.. I'm gonna fall now.. No, I'm not")... Whacky antics to attract a person's attention...
Pub visitors - 2 Bhargav - 0

Couple of minutes later, some guy came up to me and whispered something into my ear... (On any normal occasion, I'd have thought that this guy was making advances..but sanity prevailed here)... After running and re-running whatever he said to me for umpteen no of times in my mind, I figured out that he was the waiter asking us to place our order... Me being a toteetaler (or was it teetotaler), had to nudge Karthik (who seemed to be rocking like a pendulum)to place the order. Several minutes/hours/light-years after that, this waiter came to our table holding something that looked like an oversize candle with something sticking out.. Sibin,Karthik and Sarang took deep puffs and blew out smoke while it was a quite a funny scene watching Chubby do it..(he took a deep breath and inhaled some of the stuff but to our amusement, nothing came out). (Note: Me abstains from inhaling anonymous liquids/gases). Oh, i'd just found out that that candle with a wick was popularly known as "Hukka".
Pub Vistors - 3 Bhargav - 0

3 Pitchers later, tongues were loosening and Sarang, Sibin and Karthik were muttering something about "Salvation", "Best friends", "I'm not drunk totally"... (That's what everyone says..I mean, who would want to admit it that they are drunk"). I had an urge to rush up to the bartender/DJ and ask him to play Kishore Kumar songs (that too slow ones), but again, the rush of adrenalin was stemmed when Karthik gave me a "You-must-be-a-wierdo-to-do-that" look. (Plus, the urge to eat curd rice at that point of time had to be curbed due to the same reasons).
Pub Visitors - 4 Bhargav - 0

At 11.15, the owners of the Pub had the courtesy and the decency to turn off the music... (thank the present Govt for the late night rules, version 0.3 reviewed by HDK himself). By this time, it was me who was muttering gibberish (though I hadn't touched a drop of that goddam* alcohol). Karthik stood up to imitate some jack-ass who was playing an imaginary guitar, but thank god, they switched off the TV.. (Else, I would have seen two rare species on the same night)..
Pub Visitors -4 Bhargav - 1

I reached home almost at midnight, after dumping Karthik at Sarang's place. Sibin was hollering loudly about eating an ice-cream. Sarang was laughing for any and every sentence. Karthik wore dark sunglasses while he sat behind me. (to think of it - Dark glasses at midnight. We were close to getting arrested for such a pathetic sense of dressing). Chubby was having a "What-the-heck-have-I-gotten-myself-into" look.


I was lucky, my parents were sleeping, else I'd have gotten a huge boot in my backside. And I also happened to set a record for being the first person to have visited a pub without having a drink/smoke whatsoever. (And yet, had a set of clothes that were stinking and I was smelling as if I'd just walked out of a gas chamber..Just hoping that my mom doesn't get to know).

And if you think I'm never gonna visit a pub again...HECK, YES, I WILL!!!! Not to smoke or to booze but just to increase the count to Pub Visitors - 4 Bhargav - 4!!!