Tuesday, May 22, 2012

A Tale of Two Foodies

Ok, I'm going to narrate a story.  Disclaimer first : All characters in this post can be considered fictional unless the reader wants to believe otherwise. (Names might be deceptively realistic).Readers may be forewarned that they might develop a distinct liking, hatred, disgust, admiration towards the protagonists. (The whole gamut of emotions). 

There are two characters central to the plot of this story - let us call them Biraja and Bhargav. Cutting edge tech gurus, future leaders, agile scrum masters they might perceive themselves as. However, in the eyes of the surrounding environment, they appear slightly different. Jobless, time-wasting, generally bitching, always-hanging-by-cafeteria,   nincompoops are commonly associated perceptions by all and sundry (minus the protagonists).

Cut to the plot where the big boss, let's call him TMB (name withheld on request), returns from a foreign trip and drops a note to his minions through his secretary that there are foreign sweets on offer. 

To give the reader a brief background, the lead star, Biraja, by virtue of being in a email distribution list which he is not supposed to be in, receives the invite. His immediate instinct is to ping his partner-in-crime, Bhargav updating him about the delicacies on offer. Both these esteemed gentlemen are on different floors in office and need to take two flights of stairs to reach the object of desire. (Read foreign sweets).

Leaving all pending work aside, the two souls dive to TMB's floor like thirsty camels heading to a watering hole. For good measure, Biraja, decides to empty his stomach to accommodate a second helping. 

Post the warm-ups, the duo head to the abode of the sweets only to find the big boss standing right in-front of the cubicle like a nosey gatekeeper taking count of the visitors at the carnival. 
To digress slightly, this TMB character can, at times, get as moody as a tiger that has been put on a strict vegetarian diet by its personal physician. So, caution is recommended while approaching a species of this kind.

For a split second, the 2 thugs contemplate a 180 degree turn back to their respective cubicles. But the love (combined with shamelessness) for free food propel them forward (though the steps are not confident any longer). The duo make an effort to look intelligent pretending to look for other colleagues to discuss on matters of utmost importance. The boss notices the duo shuffling their feet, looking hither thither...

Boss: "Aur, kya chal raha hai boss"... 
Simultaneous muttering (barely audible) heard: "Sir, Prakash sir.. looking for him, sir"... (and parallely) "Sir, Rajesh sir.. searching for him, sir".

Boss: "Hmmm"... (and heads back to his den)

Biraja seizes the initiative and enters the cubicle in an effort to get closer to the sweet box. To act intelligent and important, he searches for the above mentioned Rajesh and for the benefit of the entire floor shouts loudly (and in a disappointed tone) - "Lagta hai, aaj office nahin aaya hai".

Then in a nonchalant tone, exclaims - "Acha, chalo, aaye hain toh mithai khaa ke jaayenge".

(Note: At no point of time during the conversation with the boss or the secretary or any of the people around, were the 2 invited/offered for a spot of snack).

He (Biraja) picks up a white rubbery like bar (the sweet) and with an outstretched hand, hands it over to Bhargav, who is now viewing the object with a jaundiced eye.Almost simultaneously, he picks up another large chunk for himself and is about to bite it when the boss re-appears. 
More shuffling of feet by the duo, contemplating if a "thank-you boss", would be appropriate. Deciding against it, they scamper to the nearest exit like rats diving for a hole. 

On reaching the exit, they realize that the size of the sweet box, intended for the entire floor was probably slightly larger than a match box (just slightly) and its 2 large chunks were devoured by people who were uninvited to the party. Almost instantly, they do what they do best, viz.  blend into the background and vacate the place. Biraja, at this point of time, has almost broken into a sweat. 

The story ends abruptly with the protagonists gloating away at their resourcefulness , proud of the fact that this feat of theirs can go down the pages of history as one of the most shameless acts performed at the workplace(all for the cause of free food).