Thursday, January 25, 2007


What an outrageous thing to happen. Especially when they are endangered species. PETA must've started the protests by now. GODDAMMIT. It wasn't a 'PANTHER' it was 'PANDHER'. HAMBURGER. There is a conference room with a TV quite close to my cubicle (if you can call it a cubicle) and they are showing this footage of PANDHER being assaulted.

FAGS... Every single one of them... I'm not talking about PANDHER or PANTHER or whoever. I'm cursing the TV operator who is glued to TIMES NOW. I mean which sane person on earth watches TIMES NOW when you've got a whole lot of steamy commercials being aired on AXN.

The next set of goddamn ba****rds are these TIMES NOW journalists who are running and re-running the footage of Pandher being assaulted. I wonder if they are trying to get some sympathy votes for him. Or even worse, Ram Jethmalani might probably consider defending him. (That would just be the last straw: Ram Jethmalani calling Pandher a symbol of peace and a person who loves children just as he did while he defended that pot-smoking goddamn crunkie - Manu Whatever). Of course Pandher does love children, but not in the sense we are talking about. Or we could probably have that dickhead Jaffer Sharief taking out a procession in the communally (in)sensitive Shivajinagar to protest the inhuman treatment meted out to him by RSS (I don't know the connection between RSS and Pandher or his henchman Koli). Heck, that guy is a goddamn necrophiliac and a future politician (a successful one as well), so why show him in good light. For god's sake, that guy deserves a gruesome death penalty.. If possible pluck his fingers one by one and leave him to die a painful death.

I've still not recovered from the much hyped Ash-AB wedding (read Hari's blog on Aish set to marry AB's baby), or the Shilpa Shetty racism issue (dont Read Kunta's take on racism) and now this. (There is a storm brewing with Hema Malini's controversial comments as well).

I guess this is all a part of a big conspiracy to stop me from watching television.



STATUTORY WARNING: If you are not a bookworm, or not one of those who like non-academic books, or one of those to whom I need to explain that "books" are not Extra-Terrestrial flying objects, please go the top right corner of this page. You will find a small box containing an 'X' mark. Please click on that to experience a magical effect. If you have any doubts related to reference books, then you may please keep them to yourself.

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I'm going to write about the books which have given me good company for most part of my 23 year old stay on Planet Earth. Please note that these books have got absolutely nothing to do with the ones they prescribe in school, college etc etc. (Heck I am not qualified enough to write about them).

Let me start off with the books that I read when I was ummm..well just about old enough to read them... Misha, Tinkle... These books rock till date... For those of you who don't know who Misha is, first of all Misha isn't a who, it is a what. One of the better things to happen to the USSR. I guess they found out about my addiction to Misha and hence USSR had to disintegrate. (Mebbe they dint want me to be the future editor of Misha) Dont know whether it still exists. Tinkle, champak and chandamama can be classified as classics.. Every single one of them.. Purists might like to point out that 'the Bard' Will Shakespeare's novels are classics, I say...Screw them... Oh and yes, Gokulam was equally good as well...It was the cheapest of the lot (available at Rs 3 way back in 1990), plus it featured the Undir stories.

I'm not sure as to how many would have of Indrajal Comics ( are not the ones which were made into Mithun Chakraborthy movies).. These were our good ol' Phantom, Superman, Garth, Mandrake... I'm willing to offer all my earnings to the person who can procure the entire set of these books.

Cut to my middle school when teenage detective novels were the hottest selling stuff around...Or at least I was addicted to them.. Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew... Sounds childish now..But back then, it was every youngster's dream to be a detective. There was a friend of mine who wanted to join CBI after reading Hardy Boys. The last time I heard from him, he was a software engineer... Oh...Please dont club The Three Investigators into the Hardy Boys - Nancy Drew league... That series was a class apart (specially the ones written by Alfred Hitchcock). For those of you who are wondering as to why I have included Enid Blyton in this list: She was a Englishwoman and hence I abstained from reading her novels. The truth: I was too busy playing 'gully' cricket and yes, 'Third term at Mallory Towers' wasn't the best Enid Blyton book to start off with.

After reading almost the entire Hardy Boys collection (during which time, my dad was on the verge of throwing me out of the house for spending Rs2 everyday on the hardy boys books which I used to daily borrow from the local library), there were a couple of years that I wasted reading academics (If i'm right, that was PU-1 and PU-2). To think of it, had I spent those two years fruitfully, I might have ended up adding few more authors to my collection of "I finished them" list.

Post PU it was Agatha Christie for almost the rest of the summer. AND THEN THERE WERE NONE, MURDER IN MESOPOTAMIA, MURDER OF ROGER ACKROYD, HICKORY DICKORY DOCK, POIROT's LAST CASE still give me sleepless nights... I'm not a fag... I dare anyone to read AND THEN THERE WERE NONE sitting all alone in a room, with no one at home on a dark, rainy night and sleep peacefully after reading it.

Sidney Sheldon's THE DOOMSDAY CONSPIRACY had me hooked on to his novels (yes, Sidney Sheldon is a HE and not a SHE). I've often said that DIGITAL FORTRESS (by Dan Brown) and other similar books have been cheap imitations of this Sheldon's thriller. Hari would disagree with me on this count. I almost forgot, except for the SANDS OF TIME, all his other books are must read books.

Speaking of the other must read books, Mario Puzo sure has delivered cult books GODFATHER, THE SICILIAN, OMERTA, LAST DON, FOURTH K being just some of them. And after reading all these books if you consider Mario Puzo as God, then please DONT read FOOLS DIE or THE FAMILY. Chances are that you might end up retching the food you ate weeks ago.

Colin Forbes is the easiest of all authors to plagiarize. Create an imaginary character called Tweed, who is human, has Chacha Chaudhary's brains, a side-kick assistant called Paula Gray, and some sidekick sharpshooter (called Marler), a reporter (Bob Newman) and keep running from Britain to Germany to France to Spain and back to Britain with this Tweed character trying to save the world from the evil forces. Also create an assasin(preferably the son or daughter of a Knight/Earl) who has the nickname of a 3 year old whose identity you should reveal at the end of the book. Refrain from using the 'F**K' word in your book and there you go. You can name yourself as Colin Forbes and start publishing.

John Grisham is one author who can be compared to our very own Vinod Kambli. He delivers brilliant bestselling novels like PELICAN BRIEF, CLIENT, THE PARTNER and whatnot and just as you are about to classify him as one of the best author's till date he comes up with equally pathetic novels like KING OF TORTS and THE INNOCENT MAN. Hamburger.

Michael Crichton is GOD. I cannot praise him further. For those of you who aren't familiar with his writings, start off with any book other than STATE OF FEAR.

Robert Ludlum, Fredrick Forsythe, Jack Higgins, Tom Clancy - Some of the world's best 'espionage' tale-spinners. Most of their novels are bestsellers. Having said that, Matthew Reilly's novels are the most fast-paced novels I've ever read. (If you doubt this statement of mine, read AREA-7).

I wont comment on JK Rowling. Awaiting her seventh book. Will dedicate an entire post to her.

Despite having read so many books, I feel that the world is divided into two categories:
Those who have read the HITCHHIKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY and those who haven't. The single greatest book to be ever written. I rest my case.

@All those who read my blog: I've left out a lot of big names here. Partially attributed to my failing memory and also due to the monotony of the blog. Also partially because I got bored typing. Please feel free to click on Comments-> Post a comment and type the rest of the names.

Saturday, January 06, 2007


Contrary to my previous posts which actually did not mean whatever I'd written...
Here is a post that comes truly from thy heart and everything written here is intentional and is intended to be
personal (quite contrary to the "Nothing Personal about it..")...
Lemme cut the crap and get straight to the point...

Of all the "crappy" set of fags I've got as friends (Note: Statement used by kunta in reply to my previous post and
I put a disclaimer here) I thought it would be a nice gesture on my part if were to reveal a few of their traits/personality/behaviour/whatever to mankind. This is a goodwill gesture on my part to homosapiens, so that they
dont form any "first impressions" about these people.

Let me start with the femme fatales (with due respect to the people of the opposite sex) first:
Also, names have been changed to protect privacy.

1. Nish:
- Also known as Jane Bond.For details refer The others know what i'm refering to
- Associated with alternate streets, roads, etc
- Mother to most kids including me.
- One of the butt of our marriage jokes (read on to find the other one)
- Respects Bangalore muls and condemns Geralites. (Any takers????)
- Has a pact with Sriram. (watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S for more details)

2. Shett
- Huge fan of Aishwarya Rai and other similar people
- The other person i mentioned in the previous para.
- Anti-Bandes
- Anti-Congress
- Tries to maintain "miss two goody shoes" impression but fails miserably.

3. Nachi
- The very fact that I've included him in this category is sufficient.

Moving on to the "Macho Men"

1. Hari:
- Hates Muls
- Hates Hippies
- Hates Bongs
- Hates the rest of mankind
In that order
- Self proclaimed gay

2. Deepak:
- Biggest Bande Hater
- Eric cartman of the group. Need I say more

3. Kunta:
- Pro Bande
- Pro congress
- Semi Pro Communism
- Tweek of the first order
- Big Asshole
- Considered to be a fag by many including yours truly.
- Butt of most jokes (unknown to him though)

4. Sharath:
- Most punctual
- Has a trace of English accent (DISCLAIMER: I am quoting Hari)
- Will tell you more about him once I understand what he speaks. (Again, Quoting Hari)

5. Yours truly
- The floor is all yours. Go to Comments -> Post a comment and start typing..

6. Tiger: ASE - Aunty Social Element (Thanks deepak). As the name suggests, this dude has totally the hots for any lady above the age of 40. He loves them preferably b/w the age of 50 and 120.Has taken up every shitty exam under the sun and has done this just to kill time.Absolutely concerned on the livelyhood of others esp. taxi drivers, pani-puriwallas etc. Hates MNC's esp the food joints but a huge fan of Pizzas and burgers.

7)Bakra : Named so for the obvious reasons.Is the living example of the phrase "Horny as a trout". Always looking for opportunities for meeting girls and this can be in the most innappropriate of situations(ex: he will do this to a bride at her wedding)