Monday, July 09, 2007

Project Management - A Practical Approach

Hah... I'm back after a long period of inactivity... Attribute that to my laziness, one of my newly discovered hidden talent...Being a couch potato is cool...Specially, when you have a dear mom who doesn't mind you sitting idly infront of the TV for nearly the whole day...

aaah...digressing too much from the intended topic of the post... Recently, I visited a book fair in which curiousity got the better of me and I visited a section which on almost all occasions, I conveniently ignore - the 'Management' section. (Huh..Who needs all that when you've got loads of fiction and fantasy).

There were these books that caught my eye "10 top HR strategies to retain employees", "How to keep your employees happy", so on and so forth... Flipped through a few of such books and there were truckloads of bul*crap that said, keep fun activities...Colour the walls... ask the Managers to motivate them , blah blah blah...

Now here is what I would do if I were the manager/HR/something other than the usual geek who sits infront of the computer typing "#include stdio.h" (I guess I got the syntax wrong ... but hell...the Microsoft editor will point that out to me)...

* Beg, borrow, steal (whatevar), get a project from PlayBoyy / Cosmopollitan /Pennthouse or similar magazines / TV channels.
Now, how would I convince them to give me a project? Boy, they dont need no convincing... All I need to do is tell them that people at our place are looking for an embedded device in the shape of a Playboyy bimbette. And voila!!! I have the project.

*
Now, imagine the reaction of an employee when he hears that he will be part of a Playboyy project.. (WOWWWW!!!!!! Boy... Aint I living in a fantasy world). Which sane employee would leave the luxury and the benefits (read as favors) that can be obtained by working in such a project and jump to another company? There, you've taken care of attrition - one of the most feared words (feared by HR only) in the IT industry.

* Let us assume that some dude who is addicted to the net (read as surfing all banned and explicit sites) has seen enough of Playboyy and wants to quit to do lesser serious stuff. Send him onsite to the Playboyy office. This can be done on a round robin basis as well.

Sample this :

Software Engg 1(with full enthu): Magas, me is going onsite tomorrow, for one week.
Software Engg 2: Aaa naaice maga, which project?? (He'll be laughing internally, thinking... "what a jerk... he is so excited about going onsite.. I've been there 4 times).
Software Engg 1: aa Playboyy maga.
Software Engg 2: Playboyy is good..Sorry, the best.. But who is your client???
Software engg 1: macha.. Playboyy is my client. And some I-don't-have-brains-rest-all-is-fine chick is my manager there maga. I've heard that corporate couches are a must there.

News spreads fast and all his friends i.e. Software engineers (The world is filled with software engineers... Throw a stone high in the air.. 9 out of 10 times it will land on a Software engineer)...Coming back to my earlier statement.. Now all his friends will be queing up to join this company... There you go...Growth achieved...

Growth achieved, attrition curbed... what else do you want for a company to grow?? More projects??? Huh... With such projects being executed, who wouldn't want to be your client????

* One last point... Imagine, the benefits you would get if you execute the project well. (there is no "if"... I'd slog my arse off if it were to be Playboyy)... Ok... I'm still imagining the benefits... Free Playboyy magazines and cds to every employee... Plus, as a yearly bonus, 2 playboy models get to visit the offshore development center.. Man O Man...My imagination has gone into overdrive.

I've just kept Playboyy as the benchmark. You could always start off with other B grade local magazines as well... And for the other set of people who pretty much get disgusted with Playboyy and similar magazines... Hunt for a project on Man's World or similar magazines.

Ummm... I'd better have a talk with my manager regarding this... Who knows, I might get lucky...

18 comments:

Raghavendra said...

maga.. started back with your old style again (after songs related blogs) good idea..hope you will become an hr manager.. [:)]

vinu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
vinu said...

hey bhargav,
awesome blog there dude !!!!!
but frankly, i never knew you can get such a nice imagination.....

What the hell are you doing there writing stdio.h...

There is a opening @ EDS not for HR Manager, but for a CRM post to grab projects from abroad clients....

Man I am sure they will grab you for this post, if they happen to read your blog...

AWESOME

kd said...

well.. finally the thought was out on to paper uh...

Hope some senior manager or some bloody dude who can make this happen in an IT industry stumbles upon this piece of INNOVATIVE art pretty soon..
:D

Dev said...

Pal, with a Biomedical engineering Background, I can think of a myraid of products for your company
Congratulations, Your future company has just found its Technical Clairvoyant :-)

Karthik said...

Maga, why not start off a dedicated company which works only for playboy As it is we have enough funds(now that Sibin is in the market too). I am sure we can beat google and microsoft hands down.

Shariq said...

Actually Playboy is quite a good idea...then our othla will not be found in India at all...full time onsite :)....i m doing u a favour bhargav..will forward this blog of yours to your PM..that way u can have a better audience to explain ur idea...:)

Ann M said...

maga whats with that eXtra "y" in playboy{y}.??
super idea.! the enginerrs onsite will be more than willing to fill in the minutes of meeting! now that mentor karthik has mooted the idea of starting off the company we can kick start our project, i ve identified the founders ! :)

svk312 said...

Hmmm.... saar think long term 10yrs down the line.... people will yearn for more you might have to increase onsite trips and many more models coming down as well....

And then to balance the diversity part of it you might be one of the featured one's as well....

And BTW who would be working ??? onsite or offshore how would you impress your clients ... may be some local stuff as well needs to be added....

My first thought, Let me think for some more time on you wild thought...... I am hiberbnating as of now...

sibin said...

Magas,
If u actually start a company with this as ur main market differentiator, AND u are in need of a "cFo", u know who to call ;-)
BTW I must add that u are a bloody lecherous pervert...and birds of a feather flock together :-)

And what the hell did Kartz mean by "Sibin is in the market"???!!!

Hari Krishnan said...

Interesting..This goes to show that you have never read a playboy magazine..All the excitement(read nudity) is only a small portion of the magazine.. The remaining contains lame-ass articles, interviews and other s**t... Imagine you bag a project in Playboy and they put you in the articles dept..That not that intersting now is it???

Bhargav said...

@Raghavendra: Yeah even me hopes, me will become a HR manager.. :)

@Vinay: Thanks a lot. what does EDS stand for?? And are they executing any Playboyy/similar projects?

@KD: Sorry dude...Forgot to mention your name in the credits list... Will edit the post soon and add a credits list.. :)

@Dev: The range of gizmos you came up with today afternoon earned you a "position" of the Chief Technical Officer... And it would be of great help if you could mention those for the benefit of the others..

@Karthik: What do you mean by "Sibin is in the market?"

@Shariq: Send that to my PM and I'll upload your photo on my blog and send paste the link on some forum..

@Ann: The extra 'y' was just for cheap thrills... This company has been recieving so many resumes even before it's inception... Wow, an IPO could do wonders.. :)

@Sudhi: 10 years down the lane, I will be executing the projects for all similar magazines and wont restrict myself to just this one... What i need to ensure is that the quality of the models who come down are similar, else there will be a tussle for the best...

@Sibin: Maga, even before the concept was formed in my mind you were the cFo... With or without the company. :) And you've given me a huge compliment by calling me a bloody lecherous pervert. Thanks for that. :)

@Hari Krishnan: Those departments will be used for non-performers in the project. Kind of a demotion. Should inspire them to work hard and come back to the main stream... Hope that clears your doubt..

Karthik said...

Sibin is in the market coz i heard his bro will be married off soon and they pay huge dowries in his communities too, so all the more reason to take him into OUR [:)] company

karthik said...

Magas,
naaice blog... interesting topic.. i have a dream now to be a HARD worker in such a company which caters to the NEEDS of its employees.. I am sure that u have imagined how well our country will be developed with such projects.
Just imagine myself and u having conversation 10 years down the line...
me : Maga how r u??
u : fine da maga??
me : howz ur project work??
u : It(they??) SUCK/S!!!!
me : What is the project about??
u : Some kinda of a biomedical instrument which navigates inside and finds some SPOTS (GGOODDDGGG?????) .. very useful maga...
me : thats interesting...

Well!! I can write another blog by just commenting on urs..

sibin said...

Karthik maga, chool control maadu!

Sac said...

hmm so finally u shed inhibitions and showed us what that "dilty" (jai jaggesh)mind of urs is upto these days!!

now I know why u hesitate to come abroad..intha offshore opportunities idre yaaaroo eeche baralla maga.. :P

good concept..

Bhargav said...

@Karthik: Ok.... Sibin in the market..agree with you..

@Sr karthik: Hehehehe......Good one...

@Sibin: Look who's talking...

@Sachin: Jai Jaggesh.... Namma gurugalu...

vinu said...

EDS stands for Electronic Data Systems. That's the company I am working for (EDS has now taken over Mphasis completely)....

Yes they do have lot of projects of this type :-)