Tuesday, May 19, 2009

What's In A Name?

Ever since I was a kid, people have been calling me all sorts of names except for that one decent name, my folks thought would identify me.

I've been tagged as "Suppandi" (for my stupidity) by my cousins; a name they'll probably use even when i'm an age-old grandpa (won't talk too much about grandpapas here.. more on that later)..

Enter school where people referred to me as Guinea Pig aka Piggie for my nearly football shaped body and a pouting nose. That name stuck to me for nearly a decade and hell yeah, I used to be annoyed by that one; though I din't have the fitness nor the drive to chase down the bullies who called me a Piggie. D'oh.. :x (Some of the meaner ones used to chant "Dummi" - a fat, really fat, girl... They had a song for it as well... Bhari-dummi, handi mamsa i.e. pig fat, chicken mutton)

2 days into my engineering, when I felt I'd exorcised the demons of Piggie, and hey-presto, I got a new nick name - Thatha aka Grandpapa. My wise-ass friends keenly observed my glaring physical attributes - a receding hairline and a pot belly and they decided that I was the "Thatha" of the gang. God, did that name stick to me like a leech. Oh, and shortly the same set of folks also started calling me "BM" - an acronym of a famous kannada quote that I'd better not quote :). Now, here was a guy who had nested nicknames.

Scene: Engg college canteen, football session goin on...
Deepak: Oi Thatha, pass the ball...
Me - ignore and take ball forward...
Hari: Loafer BM, pass the ball to Deepak...

Deepak and Hari together: Loafer Thatha - BM, ball pass maado...
And I'm like "D'oh... that's like saying Bhargav Bhargav ... like some african tribal called Djemba Djemba..

Ah... Sadly, these names stuck with me during my MindTree days as well. And as luck would have it more names got appended. This time the car gang named me Khokua. For the uninitiated, it means Gundygut or Glutton. Some respite huh!!!

Fresh set of faces, different location... I thought I'd left my legacy of nicknames back in good old Bengaluru when I left for Mumbai to do my MBA... Alas... Some folks just don't have any luck.. :(
Here, it is/was of a different kind though... Initially, the junta just couldn't digest the fact that Bhargav can be a first name as well (and not necessarily a surname)... once they came to accept that, I was better known as Bhaskar - coz brand-Bhargav recollection was a numeral that the Indians claimed to have discovered i.e. zero.

After Bhaskar came Baga (after the dumb-guy in Lagaan)... People have started called me Bhargava or Bargav (minus the 'h')... To add to my woes, the faculty calls me "Uday" and virtually every lecture I end up giving proxy to my dad...
Faculty: "Uday has something to say about this case"
Me: "Err...My dad hasn't read the case study... Uday Jr. has a point or two"

Faculty (While calling out the attendance): "Uday"
Me: " Yes Sir..." (Haah..take that...successfully gave proxy to my dad.... yet again)

I try to book my flight ticket and I get a mail saying "Mr Chandra, your flight details are..."
In a fit of rage, I delete the mail only to realize that I haven't boarded the flight yet...

Just when I thought that the place where I'm interning would be nick-name free, i get my email id which says "bhargav.udai@..... .com"...Spelling mistake..that's the last straw...

And today..what prompted me to post this blog - Some random chap in office calling me "Bhargesh"!!! D'oh :x

For the sake of everything that's holy, it is BHARGAV - B for Boring, H for Hopeless, A for jackAss, R for Retard, G for Goofy, A again for Jackass and V for Vork-shirk (does work start with a V or a W?)

60 comments:

Thejaswini Holla said...

I Don't even want to go near the way my name has been murdered in US - by Indians and Americans alike.. Its like this tongue not turning syndrome that prompts them to cut it in every single syllable and give me 1000 names at work ...

mb said...

Thats all fine as for you....your gender...etc remains the same but for me an "I" could mean a change in gender and imagine every bugging telecaller doing this to you. Asking for Madhavi....sometimes my wife starts wondering whether I am having something on the sly:-( and then my cousins and uncles are no better they stick to my nick names which they think is my correct name should be followed... Cheers good work

Sriram Rajagopal said...

nice going barkgav..

dharmu said...

hey, you forgot "mari"
i call you so lovingly :)

Sreeharsha said...

What about Baby Blot ? :)

Sudhanshu Porwal said...

Hey dude...

You didnt mention the instance when you were referred to as "She", "Her" etc. by your very own guide!!!???

mayank said...

nice 1 BHAAGAA

Anonymous said...

how abt a bhar"j"av!!

Vikas said...

Maga...my name has been chased ....dragged and brutally murdered .....there are so many others who have a new name every day...so chillax....

ojas said...

awesome blog man..
really funny
the difference between intelligence levels shown by you normally, n while writing, is huge and visible and amazing
n u forgot to mention "bhar-gay-ve"

Bhargav said...

@Thejaswini: Are those Indians, wannabe-yanks?? if yes, please give them a huge kick up their backside..

@MB: Oh.. Infact, addition of a single 'i' to my name changes the gender as well.. it so happened that the HR of the orgnzn i'm interning with sent a mail to my mentor which went something like this "Bhargav will be joining us on such and such date. 'She' will be in ur group. Please give 'her' whatever 'she' needs"... Hmmm... &^&%%^$%#%^#%^_)(_*&^&^%*&$&

@Sriram: Loper Kunta..Muccho..

@Dharmu: Yo sis, I haven't included names which people used to call me lovingly. :):)

@Sreeharsha: Beg pardon sir, I'll add it as a P.S.

@Sud: Bugger, u r not supposed to reveal such stuff on public forums.. :P :P anyways, read above comment reply; ur wish has been granted

@Mayank: Thank you thank you

@Anon aka Lopa: Zuppy..Zuppy

@Vikas: 'm not chilling out on this one... "Bhargaj" wont take it anymore..

@Ojas: "...the difference between intelligence levels shown by you normally, n while writing, is huge..." Bugger, what do u mean by that... i know i'm dumb... but u dint have to state the obvious.. :)

Bhargav said...

@Ojas again: I'm goin to kill Vaibhav for the Bhar-gay-ve thingie..

Hari Krishnan said...

Dude.. I am sorry for not replying earlier.. How about chapper, loafer, dabba nan magane.. Just kiddin :-).. I like BM the best.. Suits you..

Regards
Lover Boy(ya ya.. I wrote it before u take a dig at me :-P)

Life's Like Dat! said...

ha haa this is a really good one and now by doing this u r asking for more ;) me already started thinking of more names for u! :)

maia said...

Yet another kick ass piece of writing! Ur posts rock!!! [:)]Keep posting!!!

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