Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The Butt of All Butts

ICC faces stiff challenge from India's latest cricketing extravaganza - BCC - Butt cricket. Messrs Bhargav and Vaibhav are the proud innovators of this wonderful game.

The other 2 Kumar brothers - Harsh with his Playboy-like batting stance and Nihal with his mammoth bat oops butt, contributed significantly to popularize this game in both formats i.e. the Test Format and the Round Robin Butt format.

Special thanks to the umpire and the cheerleader who encouraged us wholeheartedly during the entire game.

The rules of the game are quite straightforward and are as follows:

BCC Butt Cricket Rule No 1. Bat = Butt, Ball = Crazy Ball or any ball that is not injurious to the butt and the area surrounding it.

BCC Butt Cricket Rule No 2. The ball needs to bowled to the buttsman at approx 7kmph.
BCC Butt Cricket Rule No 2. Subclause a) Any ball faster than the butt-breaking speed will be called a no-ball and the buttsman has the right to appeal for "fast bowling".

BCC Butt Cricket Rule No 3. The ball has to be hit by the buttsman with a "jhatka" (a-la Madhuri Dixit / Salman Khan in 'Didi Tera Dewar Diwana')

BCC Butt Cricket Rule No 4. The buttsman will be declared out if any of the fielders catch the ball either a. Before it pitches
or b. Uses one hand to catch the ball after one pitch of the ball.

BCC Butt Cricket Rule No 5. Read above rules properly

BCC Butt Cricket Rule No 6. Read Rule 5 twice.

BCC Butt Cricket Rule No 7. All disputes shall be handled by the match referee or the neutral (not gender neutral) umpire or may be resolved
a. through a barrage of expletives or
b. through the use of the extreme physical force such as fist fighting.

BCC Butt Cricket Rule No 8. Sledging is an integral part of the game and every game shall include sledging in totality for the game to be played in the true spirit.

BCC plans to introduce the Butt-o-meter to encourage Butting (oops Betting).

BCC Butt Cricket does not entertain any outside feedback and any queries regarding this format will not be entertained. Thank you.


Vaibhav Kumar said...

One of the biggest inventions after FIRE... It burns more calories than an hour of work out, so stop hitting the gym, hit the bum instead :)

Bhargav said...

Psstt..the FIRE that Vaibhav is talking about is not the movie FIRE.. he is talking about the fire FIRE... lest anyone perverted minds have other ideas about what Vaibhav was referring to..